Some Descriptive Statistics
The integral of living is life
The derivative of life is shuffling, not being alive
The sum of two lives is eleven elves or an acidified ocean
The difference of two lives is a starboard turn
The median of life is semi-erect
The divergence of life occurs early, just prior to pubarche
The curl of life is a pubic hair, the public vector towards hair metal, the melancholy of poison
………Have you ever noticed that the words ‘public’ and ‘pubic’ differ by only a single letter?
………This letter is beginning to acquire signs of life, a precondition for rapacity, not to mention
The mean of life is dose-dependent
The standard deviation of life is whatever it finds comfortable
The goodness of life is equal to one over the the sum of its sins
The Fourier Transform of life is eternal
Matt Alexander is a scientist and writer in Philadelphia. When struck by insight, he shouts “Bazinga!”, not “Eureka!”, although he has nothing against Archimedes and is in fact himself an avid bath-taker. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in Maudlin House, After the Pause, and Five2One Magazine. Follow him on Twitter at @thenamesmatta.