10 Ways to Leave Someone
Tell them you have multi-personality disorder and the more dominant personality has no idea who they are.
Tell them you’ve become celibate, teetotal and vegan and are therefore no fun at all so there’s no point being with you. (However, you do smoke the occasional joint but that’s because of all the stress).
Tell them you have to emigrate due to climate change reasons.
Tell them you’re agoraphobic.
Tell them your pet python can’t stand their pheromones.
Tell them you have to go through a period of sensory deprivation for the purposes of evolution and this could go on indefinitely.
Tell them you’re allergic to them.
Just tell them, quite simply, you ugly.
Tell them you’re a troglodyte.
Tell them you have to emancipate yourself in the name of Athena the Warrior Goddess and give up on the puny sex that is man and live life as an Amazon henceforth.